Today would have been my dad's 90th birthday. This is always a day of mixed feelings for me. On one hand it's a sad day because he's no longer alive for me to talk to and call as I always did on his birthday. On the other hand, I remember how excited I always was to call him on his birthday and get him some silly something or other. I think I will always miss him. In spite of all the bad memories I also have of him, there are so many funny ones and ones where he got me away from the tension of the house and mom that I think I just shut the bad ones off.
It's interesting to me that, in reality, he was probably the more dysfunctional (what a stupid word) parent, and yet most of my happy memories are of my dad. Although, maybe that's not fair since the majority of my childhood was spent with my mom. She raised me. My dad just got to swoop in and be fun from time to time. And I do remember crying a lot that he wasn't around when he said he'd be. I also remember wondering what was wrong with me that he didn't want to be with me when he had clearly been around more for Teri and Steve. Of course, as Steve pointed out very clearly, Teri was the pretty one. :-)
Anyways, all that to say, I miss my dad a lot. I guess I miss mom too. At least the mom she was when I first married Ray and had kids. The mom that I talked to for hours about "stuff". Although now I'm left wondering if she was really interested or if she wanted to get off the phone as bad as I do some days.
Another mystery.
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